Week 22… wow, I’ve really made it this far. I have to say, I am quite proud of myself. One of the many things I noticed about myself during this process is thinking, “okay, I get it. I got this. I can take it from here without your help.” When I really should continue to listen. Continue to be a nonjudgmental observer. I don’t always know better. It does me well when I truly listen to the teachers. This is something I have always done and something I hope to keep taming.
Trust the process, Erin. Trust that others know what they are doing. Trust until the very end. Finish STRONG!
Ah the comfort zone, the refusal of the call or as Mark says, “beef stroganoff.” It’s all there, I feel it. I feel the fear. I feel the anxiety. I know what I need to do and the resistance is stronger than ever. That step is HARD to take. But there is nothing I am losing other than the life I’m not perfectly fulfilled with.
I have the DMP nailed down and I it sounds amazing and each day it is affirmed I want it more and more. At what point will I actually decide to take the step toward making my own income? At what point do I say enough is enough? My tool belt is bursting with everything I’ve learned but that resistance and fear is gripping me. The comfort zone I am in and everyone around me is in, is gripping me. Beef stroganoff!
Life is too short. We should be having fun. I should be doing exactly what I want every day. We all should. When will I listen to the call of the hero? When do I follow?
We have been taught much in the master keys. Sometimes, so many things, I forget them all. This week I was reminded of a few, I had recently forgotten about. I remembered how good it felt to not share my opinions. Looking back on that week, I remember it was challenging. I remembered many times I had to nod and smile instead of sharing my not-asked-for-opinion. But I also remember, I felt more… pure. I didn’t get as frustrated or let down or sad or cranky. I didn’t have to think about my feelings toward something. Rather, I could be more present. What a wonderful feeling and realization that was.
This week, I decided to bring that to the forefront of my mind again. Holding opinions to myself. There was more nodding and smiling and taking things for what they are. I hope to continue to use mental process along with the mental diet. No negative thoughts. What’s the point?! This life is short so have fun.
Which brings me to another one of my points, I went to a funeral this weekend. It reminded me a lot about what Mark has been saying. But what I really left the building thinking is, have fun! Life is supposed to be fun and joyous. Smile and don’t take things so seriously. No one gets out alive anyway.
That pesky old blueprint has been out to play the past few weeks – as you can probably guess from the blog title (week 17 and 18 combined.) There have been a few reasons/ excuses why I haven’t been on my A game. Being sick for a few weeks put me in an extremely lazy mindset. I didn’t want to do anything except sleep. It was hard to meditate or read when I am sick. Even on the days when I was recouping – I just wanted to go back to that old blue print – go on my phone or turn on Netflix.
It made me think… it feels so terrible and yucky to not be doing what I know I should be doing. It is so much easier to just do what I have to DO. Sure, sometimes we can’t get it all done in a day AND THAT’S OKAY. But what isn’t okay is to keeping sitting there doing what I know I shouldn’t be doing, especially when I know what I could be doing.
DO IT NOW.
So tonight, I cleaned my house. I spent time to myself. I lit candles and pressed the reset button. I’m reading, meditating, writing and watching enlightening videos from class. It feels great. Of course, I am tired, but I’m doing what I need to get done and I’m happy. I’m back on the horse. There is no need to fret about the past.
I am so incredibly thankful for this class and to have a chance to make myself into the person I have always dreamed of.
Monday – Today was the first day of noticing acts of kindness around us. I am eager to start listening and tuning in to the acts around me. I was excited to have intentional moments of kindness I shared with other people. At my place of work I don’t exactly feel appreciated a lot of the time or excited to be there each day. I am young and this isn’t the end-all job. I am forever grateful for the job and always will be, just excited to achieve my dreams.
Today I came into work and checked my email and had two KIND emails. One from my manager and one from a coworker in another department. As I read the emails, they melted my heart and made me feel the best I have ever felt being at this place of work. I looked at my computer screen smiling, thinking about how we were supposed to notice kindness this weekend and what a coincidence this was.
We all have it. There is a voice in the back of our head. Sometimes it’s quiet, sometimes it makes itself more apparent. Some call it god, some call it intuition. To be completely honest, I’m still figuring it all out myself. What I do know is, meditating is helping understand this voice more.
Sitting for 15 minutes daily has allowed me to hear this voice more clearly. And there is something that this voice kept telling me since I started this course three months ago. “Reach out to her.” I would ignore it and think it was nothing. Next week, “You should really reach out to her.” Hmmmmm okay… weird. A few days later… “Go on… reach out to her.”
This voice is relentless. I decided to surrender. Because what I have been learning recently is, God speaks to us through many channels but he talks to us when we are still and ready to listen.
Here’s the story: I have had a best friend since we were five years old. We did everything together and in college we had a falling out. It was sad for us and for our families who had grown close over the years. It had been three years since we last talked. Ties were broken and we probably would have been fine to go on without each other for the rest of our lives but that little voice told me what needed to happen and I am so glad I listened. I told myself to “do it now.” So I pulled out my phone and sent a text. The text turned into drinks the next week and the drinks turned into heartfelt conversations, apologies, I love you’s and “don’t be a stranger.” This was huge. This was courageous for me. No one saw this one coming. But life is too short and love should always conquer.
When we tune into what that little voice is saying and we have confidence in that little voice, beautiful things happen. Healing happens, growth happens and love happens.
I will continue to listen to the little voice in my head and I will continue to act on what that little voice in my head says because that little voice in my head isn’t so little. It’s huge. It’s in me and in you. It’s the spirit all around, inside and out.
The holidays. Dun dun dun. Just kidding. But they can be a daunting time for anyone sticking to a strict regimen. The holidays send everyone through a loop. Routines are out the door, sleeping hours are usually not the same and the amount of people we see that we don’t normally see is way up. I’m sure like many of us, I did not stay with all of the practices for the course but I PERSIST. I do not say, “I fell off, I will now walk away.” NO. I get back on. I get back on the moving Master Key train. I tell myself, “I am excited to do my next read or sit or exercise.” (NARC) I don’t wait and I don’t beat myself up (red pen syndrome) for not doing it. I persist and that’s that. Thank you scroll three.